Anger

It felt like a long day but it was only a six hour and forty five minute shift. It was at the very end that this woman that runs the front end and closes the store 4- 5 times a week get moody and grouchy, she says things that set me off. She harasses.

A few nights ago: it’s minutes before closing and shit starts flying out of the this woman’s mouth. “hurry up, time to go!” The store has product on display outside, at the entrance. Well, everyday/night these items have to be brought out/in. Our loading dock, because we’re a tiny store serves as a storage space for our soda and water section. Just after I wheeled these in I walked to the front of the store to finish facing (straightening out the shelves).

I’m facing. Then I hear my name, “fuck” I say to myself. Fuck, because I’ve closed plenty of times with this woman. I know she’s going to say something that is going to piss me off.

“Bring in the firewood.” she says. I know it has to be brought in, she knows I know, but, she likes to bark the order. Every time at different times. The first few times I thought “maybe she’s trying to develop a closing procedure and wants to see what time works best.” I was wrong. She’s all ego or she is so unhappy with herself and or her life that it’s spilling out.

“It’s always you. You’re always behind. We always have to remind you to do things.” she tells me near the time clock. It’s not true, I lose it.  I don’t say anything. I know better than to waste my time and energy. But I’m furious. I grab my lunch bag, water jug, and a few recyclables and walk towards this front end lead and the time clock. She steps to one side. I punch out.

We’re outside and she again talks smack. I don’t respond, don’t care what she thinks or says about me. I walk over to my car and damn, a Tesla was parked super close to me. I open and lift my rear door while standing sideways and throw in my lunch bag then my water jug. I get inside my car and warm it up. I can’t stop thinking about how she acted and I’m still just as pissed. I get home, open the trunk and WHAT! My bag, it’s not in the back of my car. “FUCK!” I yell out loud.

Now I’m so mad I feel a headache coming on. I run inside and tell my girlfriend I forgot my backpack on the sidewalk and head back to where I was parked. Thirty minutes later I park the car on the store lot and make my way down the street to where my car was. The spot still available, my bag is nowhere to be seen. “Damn.” I go further down just to see if maybe someone found it, emptied it and tossed it. I wanted the bag and my small sketchbook. The other things could easily be replaced.

A homeless man was setting up his camp. I asked him if he saw my bag on the ground. Then it hit me. I’m worried about my fucking bag and this man is about to sleep on the sidewalk. I left him alone.

I drove home. Sad that I lost something my girlfriend bought me on a great day at Knotts Berry Farm with her and her daughter. The backpack was a keepsake.

I was worried my girlfriend was going to be upset. She asked me what I had in it. After I told her she says “your sketch book.” Everything else can be replaced, but your sketchbook, sorry you lost your sketch book, your ideas are in there.” After eating dinner we fell asleep.

After a night of dreaming I wake asking myself if I even had my bag when I left the store. I don’t know. After breakfast and a few rounds on the Playstation 4 I leave for work.

I park on lot and go in through the back. After greeting coworkers in the kitchen I turn the corner and WHAT! Yes! There is my bag, sitting on a stack of water. I pull out my phone, snap a picture and send it to my girlfriend. She replies with ‘lol’ and a laughing emoji. Her doing this cheers me up. I’m not pissed anymore.

Long story short. Not only did I find my bag I lost all the anger I had for this most unpleasant woman.

I was so angry I somehow in an instant convinced myself that I Placed my back pack on the ground between my car and the Tesla. I even saw it in my head as if I was recalling a memory of actually putting my bag down.

I learned two things.

  1. My girlfriend is a great woman. God (Ometeotl) was looking out for me the day her and I met.
  2. No body at my job is worth the weight of anger.

Jesse Velasquez, TrappedInFlesh™


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